Showing posts with label managing life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label managing life. Show all posts

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Allow us to believe! Please? Missing a Sense of Mystique!

Vinita Dawra Nangia

In an era that prides itself on ripping away dreamy veils to reveal ugly truths, a sense of mystique is a rare, undervalued commodity!

If most people were left gawking after actor Sonam Kapoor’s verbal ‘full monty’ recently at an event in the capital, it was certainly not in admiration! Some snickered, others turned up their noses, while yet more frowned in disapproval. Tsk, tsk, tutted the capital’s swish set, how can a well-brought up lady talk of unmentionables like saggy bums, cellulite and facial hair!

More to the point, how can an actor, who is by the nature of her profession a dream merchant, unpeel the glossy layers to reveal an ugly truth?! Let’s be honest, this is not about honest revelations; it is more about shattering illusions! Tough to forgive someone who does that! One can never look at Sonam again without thinking of all that is hidden from view!

As it is, social media sites haven’t left much to the imagination. This is an era that has ripped away the aura of mystique, where very few see the advantage of maintaining an enigmatic image. You do not need to wonder anymore what celebrities are doing, with their obsessive compulsion to tweet minute-to-minute ideas and thoughts; gosh, even details of their illnesses and fears!

Compare this to the mysterious aura that surrounds stars of yesteryears, or even Rekha for that matter. A mistress of mystique, never has she stepped out to confirm or deny a rumour. She has been accused of many things but the lady has never reacted. In fact she has smartly teased rumour mongers further by well-executed, pre-meditated acts. Remember the time she stepped out in public with sindoor in her hair, giving rise to rumours that she had secretly married Big B? Or, another time when at an Awards Nite she hugged each member of the Bachchan family till she reached the man himself, who in panic staged a walk-out?

Former Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was a truly enigmatic woman who despite living out a life in full public glare, was able to maintain her mystique. So is Sonia Gandhi; she leaves people with a sense of wonder and curiosity even in an era of totally intrusive and aggressive media coverage. To their credit, a few actors who keep a distant from tweets and tell-all interviews and so retain some enigma, are Aishwarya Rai, Ranbir Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan and Katrina Kaif!

Those who know the art of dwelling long in public imagination and hearts, learn the art of keeping the veil in place; it is those who are desperate for any kind of attention, even if short-lived, that insist on tearing all veils down and executing regrettable full montys!

The incessant blows to imagination by hard-hitting reality make it impossible to indulge the ‘willing suspension of disbelief’ (S.T Coleridge’s term for suspending judgement on unreal elements in literature), which is so intrinsic to the true enjoyment of art -- be it fiction, films, theatre or painting and sculpture. It’s almost as if everybody has a compulsion to keep lifting the veil of imagination to let reality make its way through.

For instance, how can you possibly enjoy a television serial when there is a raging controversy on Facebook regarding “double frames vs single frames” and body doubles? When you are made to realize that the romantic lead has actually not shot a single scene together for weeks on end and what you are witnessing is actually a slick job by editors? When while watching a programme, facebook starts vibrating with protests about how the creative team has messed up and the real actor and the body double used for the same scene from different angles, are dressed differently?

You do not want to notice these things! I, for one, find it extremely irritating when people watching a movie keep critically pointing out the liberties the filmmaker has taken with reality. For heaven’s sake, he is supposed to do that in order to build a reality away from your actual world -- a space where you can escape for some blissful moments! A space where you give in to a willing suspension of disbelief and allow yourself to believe all that the dream merchant wants you to believe.

Of course if you allow yourself to do so... And yes, with your permission, all you actors out there busy washing your dirty linen through tweets!

And yes, of course Ms Sonam Kapoor, once you are done telling us all about your bodily hair, insisting we count your moles and warts along with you and critically examine your “rolls of fat” while you confess that your “t*t and a*s are not very nice”!!!

After all that… please, please allow us to weave back together our web of shattered dreams once again…. Allow us to suspend disbelief!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A BIT OF GOOD IN ALL BAD...

Vinita Dawra Nangia

Instead of trying to change the one thing you do not like in your loved one, how about focusing on the many you love?

Is there anyone in the world you like totally? As in, approve everything about that person, all the time? Even if you are wildly, obsessively in all-consuming love? Even if you have your rose-tinted glasses pushed right back up your nose? Can you honestly say there is nothing at all about your loved one you would rather change?

Surely not. It cannot be possible to like everything about even the one person you love most in the world — be it a parent, a child, or the man or woman in your life! There will always be at least one trait you dislike, one negative you would rather wish away.
And therein starts our quest to change those we love most. If only that teeny weeny thing about them could be changed — a habit given up, a personality trait dropped or another acquired! Parents go beyond the formative years of kids and waste precious time and energy trying to change their adult offspring! People even attempt to influence a change in traits of old parents!
And yet one negative trait cannot possibly make you give up totally on a loved one. A recent article in Los Angeles Times talks critically of a therapist who advised a woman to totally sever all ties with her father since he was “evil”. When the author, a social psychologist Carol Tavris, asked the woman if she thought her father was 100 per cent bad, she replied, “No, I think he’s a normal guy who made some mistakes.”
For one negative, you cannot possibly give up an entire relationship. Couples spend entire lifetimes trying to change each other to tally with their idea of perfection.
How much better life would be if we just accepted each other as we are! And just learn to turn a blind eye to the little things we don’t like, even as we make the most of the vast things we love about each other.
Why is it compulsory to like everything about a friend? You can pick on what you like and focus on that, turning a blind eye to what you do not approve of. Must you go around trying to change the world? You can value a friend for her loyalty and generosity and forgive her for her streak of cattiness. You can love the side of her that you cherish and simply accept, even ignore, the one you disapprove of. What a sense of peace that brings to a relationship!
Now, if nobody can be perfect, no one can be all bad either. Even in the worst of humans, we can find some goodness we can relate to and appreciate. How can anyone be all good or all bad? How can you be all right or all wrong? You wouldn’t be human if you were! Gods and Goddesses too have their weak spots and moments. It was the wonderfully good, maryada purushottam (finest specimen of a human being) Ram who turned away from his devoted wife Sita.
Tavris in her article goes on to talk of Gandhiji ‘who reached the highest moral stage and yet often treated his wife, family and followers in a harsh manner’; Martin Luther King Jr, ‘who led the civil rights movement and gave up his life for it, yet was a womaniser’. Vietnam war hero John Paul Vann, ‘who performed astonishing feats of bravery, yet was an obsessive seducer!’
In her latest book The Power, Rhonda Byrne urges, “Notice the things you love in other people, and turn away from the things you don’t so you don’t give them any feeling.” She goes on to say, “If you can’t love the good in someone or something simply turn away … turn away by looking for the things you love in life!”
I have yet to read the book (even though the Newsweek review urges all to stay away from it), but to me the extract seems to echo what I am trying to say here.
Much like you would do at a buffet, take the best from each human being and from every relationship and enjoy it to the fullest. And just as you would walk past the dishes you don’t care about, do not focus on what you don’t like and so get hassled or make futile attempts to change it!