Vinita Dawra Nangia
Are you able to distance yourself from your problems and look at them objectively? Take control of the crisis before it takes you over!WE grow up hearing platitudes like "This too shall pass", "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" or "Trust in God, all will be well. " These are the ways friends and relatives console and try to give strength to a near one in trouble.
Strangely, however many times you may have heard them, these words still end up comforting you when repeated in the midst of a crisis. It's like a reminder that troubles are temporary and will be followed by better times.
People react in various ways when in trouble. I saw a woman emerge from a hospital the other day, sit on a bench and start wailing. She didn't seem in pain and was accompanied by two young girls who ignored her distress except to tell her to stop making so much noise. This was obviously one woman who believed in making her distress public and seeking attention. In contrast, the girls stood in dignified silence.
Some people tend to draw succour from a clutch of people surrounding them during troubled times, others prefer to withdraw into themselves. The former seek advice from all around, the latter hold their own counsel and work on it. Some become irritable and snap at those around, while others remain calm and collected. Some prefer to close their eyes and almost wish troubles away, others get into warrior mode and take matters head-on.
The first thing to do when in trouble is to take control of the crisis before it takes you over. Typically with a health problem, you could get bogged down by the differing opinions of doctors and people around advising you to turn to alternative medicine or home remedies. In a marital crisis, you could be wondering whether to walk away or forgive your spouse, while friends confuse you with passionate, wellmeaning but wildly differing advice. Are you able to distance yourself from your own problem and look at it objectively That is the first step in resolving your problem. Ultimately, you are the only one who can take your own decisions.
While it is very easy to go under and give up hope, the survivors are the ones who look for a handle on the situation and just don't let hope die. One of the ways of doing that is to strategise in a crisis as you would for a business situation. Break up the situation into parts and segregate issues that are beyond your control and those that can still be dealt with by you. In a health crisis, you may not be able to reverse the situation, but at least you can take better care of yourself now onwards. In a relationship, only you know what you can live with and what you can't.
As you control and manage the manageable parts of the problem, you start gaining selfconfidence and see a glimmer of hope. This then shows you the way ahead. Confidence in yourself and hope are indeed the two qualities you need to keep alive during any crisis if you are not to become a victim to the situation.
While there is no harm in taking advice from well-wishers, remember most people dole out advice for lack of anything better to say. You have to be intelligent enough to be able to pick up the right nuggets and ignore the rest.
Some people tend to withdraw into a shell when surrounded by problems. They become quiet and reduce communication with the outside world. This is a way of conserving much-needed energy. Silence helps one focus on the issue and look at it objectively from every angle. It also helps one arrive at decisions with least interference from outside noise and with more clarity.
And then of course the belief that there is an end to every problem, whether you can see it or not, keeps you going. And however troubled you may be now, you can always look forward to a better tomorrow. That is the law of Nature. This too shall pass...